WARNING ORDER (WARNO): OPERATION RED HARVEST
TO: All Garden Personnel / Feline Sentry Units
FROM: The Chief Agronomist (The Grumpy Welshman)
DATE: 08 May 2026
SUBJECT: Pre-Deployment of Lycopersicon (Tomato Units)
Feline Sentry Units on Patio Duty
1. Situation
Intelligence reports indicate a significant buildup of Brown Marmorated Stink Bug (BMSB) forces within the ivy and surrounding wall crevices.
Thermal readings (sunlight on the balcony) confirm the enemy is currently in “Hibernation Recovery.” Full mobilisation is expected within 30 days.
Their objective is clear: total occupation and systematic “juicing” of the 2026 tomato crop.
2. Mission
To deploy Datterini and Cherry Bomb units into Sector Alpha-9 planters without sustaining catastrophic losses to the Stink Bug insurgency.
3. Execution (Battle Plan)
Phase I: The Nursery (Current)
Seedlings remain indoors in early-stage conditioning. They are soft, green, and entirely unprepared for what lies ahead.
Phase II: Hardening Off
In approximately 14 days, units will undergo controlled exposure to “The Vento” (wind conditions) to improve stem integrity and general resilience.
Phase III: Ground Deployment
At 30 days, units will be transferred to the planters. At this stage, Stink Bug sniper teams are expected to initiate infiltration.
4. Enemy Tactics (Stink Bug Doctrine)
Chemical Warfare
If engaged by Feline Sentry Units, the enemy will deploy scent-based area denial (“The Stink”), resulting in immediate withdrawal and visible distress.
Camouflage
Primary concealment involves underside leaf positioning. Countermeasure: routine search-and-destroy patrols conducted by the Quartermaster, equipped with a jar of soapy water.
5. Support Units
Bee Units (Allied Air Support)
Pollination support expected. These units are not to be engaged under any circumstances. They remain critical to the supply chain.
Avian Units
Great Tit Heavy Armour units are encouraged to resume insectivore operations at the earliest opportunity, conditions permitting, and assuming they can disengage from ongoing disputes with Siskin irregulars.
Quartermaster’s Personal Note
I’ve spent a lifetime watching men try to hold a line, but nothing is as stubborn as a stink bug with its straw in a ripening tomato.
It’s a war of attrition. They don’t have a flag. They don’t have a cause. Just a smell strong enough to strip paint off a Land Rover.
Last year, they took the tomatoes.
This year, I’m digging in.