CONFIDENTIAL CORRESPONDENCE: CASA NOSTRA (SECTOR ALPHA-9)
TO: The Quartermaster (The Man on the Balcony)
FROM: Don Passerine (The “Made” Sparrow)
DATE: 23 Mar, 2026
SUBJECT: A Small Matter of Insurance
1. Mutual Respect
It has come to my attention that your establishment, the Primary Feeding Station, has become somewhat… uncivilised.
Between the Goldfinch’s constant posturing and the Siskin unit behaving as though they’ve never seen a sunflower heart before, the neighbourhood is losing its standards.
My cousins and I find this… disappointing.
2. The Siskin Problem
These “Chihuahuas,” as you call them, they make noise, they flap, they attract attention.
I ignore them. I am a man of culture.
My associates in the hedge, however, are less patient.
It would be unfortunate if a misunderstanding occurred… and the Siskins found themselves relocated to the forest floor. Permanently.
3. The Proposal (Protection Arrangement)
I am prepared to ensure that order is maintained.
For a modest consideration, my Family will continue to occupy the rail and provide what you might call… passive security.
We will not need to act. Our presence is sufficient.
However, the current ration of sunflower hearts is… inadequate for a bird of my standing.
To maintain stability in the sector, the following adjustments are required:
- The Suet Premium
- High-energy fat balls. Netting removed. We do not like complications.
- The Quiet Window
- A dedicated fifteen-minute period at 09:00 hours during which Siskin activity is… discouraged.
4. A Friendly Warning
I am aware of your Feline Surveillance units behind the glass. Give them my regards.
But remember, the glass works both ways.
We see everything.
We know where you keep the bulk bags.
Let’s keep this professional.
I would hate to involve the Marsh Tit in any… supply irregularities.
He’s a good operator. But he works for whoever pays.
Stay safe, Quartermaster.
The balcony can be a dangerous place.
Don Passerine
Capo di Tutti i Capi
(The Balcony Syndicate)